Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
