Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
