when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
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JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
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