u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
