There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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