I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
