it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
