i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
