I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
