We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
