go do what you do best...puke behind churches
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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