You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
