Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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