I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
