Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
