Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
