OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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