Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
