i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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