There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
