I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
