In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
