Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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