Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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