So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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