I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
