Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
