She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
