it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
