Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
