i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
