how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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