JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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