I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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