i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
