wakey wakey hands off snakey
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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