when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
