Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
