so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
