just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize
