I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
