There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
