hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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