u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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