She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
