i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
