Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
