There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
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the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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