you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
