Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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