Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
