The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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