You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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