hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
