I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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