How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
