Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
