So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
